Build up, or tear down...

First , i do not claim to be perfect, or better than anyone in this area... it has just been on my mind lately... 

Im just going to cut to the chase... 

It seems that today, women, sometime unknowingly, are tearing at their husband's self worth and confidence in what God made them to be. 

It comes in the little things, like, "he cant cook" or  "when mom is gone, the kids are a wreck, and the house is trashed"...

I hear it so often lately, and mostly in a joking manner... but it makes me think of when I was first married... 

I wanted my husband to be and do all these things... comparing him to other men,( :O yes, I did that!).

Joking about all the things he couldn't do, and never bragging about his attributes... who he was.

 I didn't realize that it was a huge blow to him... 

He was not the man I wanted because I was not encouraging him to be him, to be who he believed God wanted him to be... I was expecting him to be what I saw in others... 

I was convicted... I asked the Lord to help me encourage him to be what he was made to be... 

It started with the kids... I would ask him to do something with the boys, then intricately tell him how to do it, or leave instructions...   Then the lord pricked my heart, and said... "He is their father! " and I thought... If God gives me the things I need to BE as a mommy, he would give Philemon the things he needs to BE the daddy... right?  I can say, Philemon blossomed as a father when I put away all my controlling concerns, and let him to with them as he saw fit, as he followed the Lord's will in raising them... and he is such a good father to them! 

So they don't have matching clothing all the time, or maybe they had dessert before dinner... 

What my husband needs to hear, is that he makes sure they love the Lord, and they are fed, and that he did a great job doing the dishes and keeping them alive!  

You have to admit, its hard to keep a house clean, with toddlers running around... and WE are with them all day....  but i digress... 

I have found that my husband will pay attention to those little things I ask of him that make being mommy easier, if i am bragging about, and thanking him for all the things he is doing right... It stroked his inner need to be the man he should be...the man God wants him to be.

Proverbs 31 talks about the husband being known in the gates... How do I want him known... How is he feeling he is known... Am I making him a leader? or am I forcing him to be...

Yes we joke now and then about those kinds of things together... but think about it... how would you feel if all you ever heard was how the house isn't up to so and so's standards (even though we do this to ourselves anyway)... or how you just don't know how to be a mommy....You are encouraged to be the woman God wants you to be when you husband builds that up in you....

This is not to say that I never ask him to do things, that i normally do, a certain way. Or that I am perfect in what I am thinking about now... 

This was just a thought and has been on my heart to change in me recently..... 

Let's build up our husbands, to help them be what God wants them to be...